How is something a waste of time if it’s a learning experience? Why do people feel and think that when they get the short end of the stick their at a loss, or their time has been wasted? An associate was telling us about a lady he had been talking with for almost two years over the internet. They seen each other in person before one time, and she had been wanting to see him again, but he
thought she was way to aggressive in some of the conversations. He felt as if she was a waste his time, more like a sponge person when he needed some of his free time to be absorbed. He said when they finally went out she could not keep
her hands to herself. I asked him why was he wasting his precious time with a sponge anyway? He said,” why would I turn down an easy lay? I get bored, desire conversation, need my ego stroked, and need “cookie” like any other man.” There’s nothing wrong with this type of rational thinking if the person has good intentions for
both parties involved. Don’t get me wrong I’m not supporting being a shag. However, this man did say that “he was really ready to settle down and he thought she’d make a good candidate for a wife.
When you are seeking pleasure only in a relationship then there is a fine line between distinguishing what’s healthy and unhealthy. When both adults agree to enter into a relationship for pleasure they are not devaluing love, because both are in it for pleasure only. Whereas when one person values love and the other person doesn’t and wants the relationship just for pleasure than the relationship will feel unbalanced. Some women go crazy, or over board when they find out their partner just wanted them for a booty call. Men also feel violated when they feel their being used as sex toys. It’s not fair for either party! Men and women argue and bitch about this pleasure concept endlessly.
A healthy relationship is based on EQUALITY, where both people in the relationship are considered equal and are treated with dignity and respect (something we all deserve in every relationship we are in). A healthy relationship uses compromise and negotiation to reach decisions that both parties are comfortable with and each person’s voice is valued. When this happens, when neither party tries to have power and control over the other, a non-violent and healthy relationship occurs. Healthy relationships don’t demand conformity or perfect agreement. Be prepared to compromise or to disagree about some things.
Before you get involved in any intimate relationship you should know what you want. Either an acquaintance who is a person you know, but there not a close friend to you, or an associate who is someone who you befriend and enjoy keeping company with. It doesn’t take that long to figure out what kind of relationship category a person will fall under in your life. But, It does take time to meet people and get to know them…so, make “small talk”…respond to others…smile…keep trying. Being friends first is more than a cliché — enjoying someone’s company and becoming relaxed around someone are very important aspects of intimacy. A quality friendship takes time to develop.
Michelle Meadows-Thomas ©2012 Spiritualsoulfood. wordpress.com
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