Tag Archives: Intimate relationship

Wasting Your Time!

How is something a waste of time if it’s a learning experience? Why do people feel and think that when they get the short end of the stick their at a loss, or their time has been wasted? An associate was telling us about a lady he had been talking with for almost two years over the internet. They seen each other in person before one time, and she had been wanting to see him again, but he

thought she was way to aggressive in some of the conversations.  He felt as if she was a waste his time, more like a sponge person when he needed some of his free time to be absorbed. He said when they finally went out she could not keep

her hands to herself.  I asked him why was he wasting his precious time with a sponge anyway?  He said,” why would I turn down an easy lay? I  get bored, desire conversation, need my ego stroked, and need “cookie” like any other man.” There’s nothing wrong with this type of rational thinking if the person has good intentions for

both parties involved. Don’t get me wrong I’m not supporting being a shag. However, this man did say that “he was really ready to settle down and he thought she’d make a good candidate for a wife.

When you are seeking pleasure only in a relationship then there is a fine line between distinguishing what’s healthy and unhealthy.  When both adults agree to enter  into a relationship for pleasure they are not devaluing  love, because both are in it for pleasure only. Whereas when one person values love and the other person  doesn’t and wants the relationship just for pleasure than the relationship will feel unbalanced. Some women go crazy, or over board when they find out their partner just wanted them for a booty call. Men also feel violated when they feel their being used as sex toys.  It’s not fair for either party! Men and women argue and bitch about this pleasure concept endlessly.

A healthy relationship is based on EQUALITY, where both people in the relationship are considered equal and are treated with dignity and respect (something we all deserve in every relationship we are in). A healthy relationship uses compromise and negotiation to reach decisions that both parties are comfortable with and each person’s voice is valued. When this happens, when neither party tries to have power and control over the other, a non-violent and healthy relationship occurs. Healthy relationships don’t demand conformity or perfect agreement.  Be prepared to compromise or to disagree about some things.

Before you get involved in any intimate relationship you should know what you want. Either an acquaintance who is a person you know, but there not a close friend to you, or an associate who is someone who you befriend and enjoy keeping company with. It doesn’t take that long to figure out what kind of relationship category  a person will fall under in your life. But, It does take time to meet people and get to know them…so, make “small talk”…respond to others…smile…keep trying.   Being friends first is more than a cliché — enjoying someone’s company and becoming relaxed around someone are very important aspects of intimacy. A quality friendship takes time to develop.

Michelle Meadows-Thomas ©2012  Spiritualsoulfood. wordpress.com

Sharing is Caring!


Inside Scoop! Overcoming Relationship Battles…

Relationship battles will be around for as long as the earth is alive. And how to articles about getting rid of unhealthy relationship will always be a hot topic.  Everybody plays the fool at some point, and time, in a relationship, and you, nor I , are no exception to this rule. The million dollar question to ask yourself is this: Where is my fine line drawn between love and hate, once I get out of my unhealthy relationship?

In other words, can I get out of a relationship that isn’t working for me and still love that person? Am I going to feel healthy by treating that person as if they are no longer alive? If I do this, what does that say about my character? How would I feel if someone wrote me out of their life? We all need to listen to our own heart and be in touch with your own feelings when it comes to handling our own intimate relationships.

That’s one reason why God wants you to guard your heart. You have to be critical and guard your heart, not just from the person whose breaking it, but from people on the outside who may be influencing your thoughts.  People love talking crap about relationships, and misery loves company. I’m not saying that you should not seek counseling, or other people’s advice on these issues that are troubling your heart. You just have to make sure whatever you decide it’s what you want to do with your relationship. And you should always exam your reasoning behind your decisions.

If your motives  are to cause harm to someone because they hurt you last week. Then ask yourself how long are you going to allow yourself to feel angry, and to be at war with this person? Is he or she worth losing your life for?  If your motives are to resolve the issue fairly and not cause harm, then proceed on with your battle. God has your back! People never stop to think that when they get into relationship conflicts they can become ongoing miniature battles If left unresolved.

You should always stop to take the time out to exam your motives when your relationship is in conflict.  This is why God, says, ” You can be angry, but sin not.” If your being fair and  know what you want out of this disagreement then you should be able to resolve this conflict.

But, remember there is no longer  I or, ” I want” when you’re in a relationship conflict, there’s teamwork! There are a lot of people suffering in relationships that need good sound advice. If you really want to learn about maintaining your relationship, seek God first with all your heart, and all your strength.  When you allow yourself to let God come in and fight your relationship battle for you, that’s when you see the greatest progress! He says, “vengeance belongs to Him”, and you know that God’s revenge is the best.

Let Him do it, and you sit back and recover. That’s when you will truly start your healing process and begin to untangle your relationship problems. You’ll joyfully let go of your hate for… or, anger you may be feeling.  And the sooner you do this you’ll  be in a better position to forgive, and on your way to establishing healthy relationships.

Reminder: There are no secrets, nor right, or wrong way in escaping an abusive relationship that one person has that you don’t already have. You just have to dig a little deeper inside your own heart and this time listen to it, there you will find all your answers to your relationship problems. God’s word….!  What do you think?

Here’s what I like you to do next If you know someone having relationship problems, share this with them. If you know someone whose not having conflict in their relationship you can still share! Sharing is Caring!

By Michelle Meadows-Thomas Spiritualsoulfood. wordpress.com © 2012

Should A Guy Ask His Women for Money?

A couple a days ago a friend of mind was telling me about a guy she had been dating who kept telling her how he needs her help, but, he’s never available when she needs him. [Red flag; hello, he’s not there for you physically.] Is he in another relationship I asked?  She said, ” I don’t know, but, their last few conversations they had was disturbing to her, because he keeps asking me for money.” [ Red flag: A guys who respects you is not going to ask you for money]

She then tells me that she did loan him money one time before, and has never got it back.” I told her you might as well write that off as a gift. I ask her what does he need it for, food and gas she answers, and then he says, he would pay her back, and give her the money back she loaned him too.”  I could not believe how foolish this sounded, I wanted to say are you joking me, but I could tell in her voice that she was serious, and that she needed a listening ear at the time.

How did you get involved with a man like this I asks her? She said, “he seemed like a nice working guy that had all his ducks in order.” I ask her what did she mean by this? She said, “when they first met he had just bought a house and he worked as a manager at the same place for over five years.” I asked her why is he asking you for money then? She got quiet. How long have you known him? She said,” almost one year. What is this relationship doing to you? Is it making you happy, or it making you sick? I could hear it in her voice that she was getting annoyed with my questioning.

She tuned me out and start talking about the conversation he and her just had about discontinuing communication at all levels, since they both could not depend on one another. She then went on ranting about most of the times they were both unavailable, but she felt like she was investing more into the “relationship” than him. I asks her why do you feel this way? She said, “I paid for his lunches a couple of times, and he offered me food only one time, and I had to cook it.” We watched movies at his place, until his house got repossess by the bank.”  She said, ” after that they lost contact,  she didn’t hear from him for several months, one day he texts her, and the same pattern starts over again, but this time he moves out of his apt the same week he calls her.” Okay I’m thinking how much longer can I listen to this nonsense. It gets worse, this time he doesn’t give her his new address, and he’s tells her he’s been over his mom house a lot. [Red flag]

At this point I say to her…I think this guy was doing you a favor by letting the relationship go. It’s quite obvious he’s not in a position to be in any relationship right now. If he’s interested in you, he will pursue you, when he gets himself back on track financially, and he will not be asking you for money, for food, or gas. Did you ever ask him for any money I asks her? She says, “she asked him during their last conversation to help with one bill just to see if he was financially willing to help her , and that’s when he decided to end their relationship. I told her well you need to rejoice and celebrate for him setting you free, and leaving you alone. And thank God!  Your are a smart person, and this man has a conscious and a heart. You must have struck a nerve in him and made him feel guilty in this last conversation. You should be a proud of yourself.

A Wake-Up Call: Why more than 95% of Unmarried Couples Share Their Bed

Why do so many couples prefer, or think that “cheating and sleeping around before marriage” is a God-given right to them?  Okay, I get some of it– but maybe not the whole picture.  A lot of unmarried couples share their bed, their  home, their schedules, their bills, car notes, church pews, and their parenting skills. But they don’t share the last name, or a marriage certificate.  Males  are programmed with  strong sexual appetites. Is this an excuses for them being promiscuous or sharing your bed though?  Male reasoning, presumes, that it’s not their fault that their tallywhacker has an appetite like their stomach.  It’s a male’s nature to have that urge, to be relieved.  Ladies, what are some excuses we use for sleeping around? Victims of incest or child abuse are the number one stories. Satan loves using our weaknesses, past hurts, and pains, to trap us into making some foolish life decisions.

Maybe this is one of the reasons more women attend churches than men? They have been strung along emotionally in relationships for so long their tired of playing house. I can easily understand why a lot of men are not to quick to rush into marriage. By the time a women reaches thirty-something, if she not married , she needs to be under God’s protection, in my opinion. Can you imagine her praying to God asking for a husband and yet she has no standards? Thank God for salvation and forgiveness. Can you imagine the male buying into the fact that he can no longer share his tallywhacker with other women? He’s thinking  you supported the open relationship with him in the first place. He thinking that’s a lot power to be given up to one woman who all of a sudden now wants standards. Besides, he’s used to having other ladies lined up to sleep with him when you start acting weird towards him. Ladies, we need to stop being so loose with our standards and start being obedient to God’s instructions.

God knew that men were going to have a hard time controlling their tallywhackers when he created him. That’s why a man knows he needs a women. Genesis 2:24-25, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh…” God created man with this particular body part in mind to procreate and to have pleasure.  That’s were women come into the picture. Ladies, If your going to be that special pleasure someone for him, you should have his last name.  There are too many women who are no longer reinforcing God’s requirements for men? Ladies, I had to do this to get my husband, and so can you. Ladies, that’s the least we can do for our children’s sake. There’s are lots of benefits having the same last name.

Your husband will “whisper” to you, in you ear, that as long your fulfilling his needs he will be loyal.  But, if you not married to him “why should you expect him to stay loyal? Your not showing him that you have any self-respect, he’s already milking you.  There are tons of benefits that come along with being married. And there are lots of women out there who do set standards, and those are the women that men marry. There’s to many women who will not set the bar high enough for themselves. It’s no wonder,  some men “cheat” and act like, it’s their “God-given right.” Ladies don’t be afraid to raise the bar, if he doesn’t want to marry you then you move on with your life. I did and it worked in my favor.

Thank you for reading this article. Here’s what I want you to do next. If you like this message share it with someone.

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Meadows-Thomas

5 Ways to Groom Your Spirit!

How to Get In the Habit of Grooming Your Spirit!

The greatest inhibitor between my relationship with God and myself is my own fear. Everything I do,  think, or say effects my spirit. Therefore, I have to be careful, and very selective in what I’m thinking about, in what I am doing, and what I am saying.  Using God’s word to combat my conflicts, instead of blurting out the first thoughts that come to my mind has been a valuable tool for me.

Lord knows if I did not have a Godly spirit in me I would be using every curse word, and them some… to express myself. I thank God that I am no longer foolish enough to leave myself wide open for Satan‘s attacks. God knows this is a serious matter for a lot of people that’s why he gave us His word to use instead of saying the first words that come to our heart.

The fear of heartache has led me closer to the love that God has always wanted to give me. I’ve had enough heartaches in my life time to realize the heart is nothing to be played with. Proverbs 4:23″ Above all else guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life.” Don’t forget to guard your hearts and your thoughts. I know, it seems like by just believing in God that he should naturally protected us. Well, it’s not that simple. We have to groom our spirit daily and before going to bed.  Your spirit needs grooming every morning  just like when you go into the bathroom every morning , to shower, to brush our teeth, and to put on our clothes.

Our spirits also needs grooming before we prepare for bed at night. [Hence] “don’t let the sun go down without resolving your anger.”  Do you recall this famous children’s prayer? A very powerful, but short bedtime prayer for kids. “Now I lay my soul down to sleep I pray to the lord my soul to keep.

Speaking of protection we just assume God is going to put his protective covering over us even when we don’t do the necessary ground work of grooming our own spirits daily.  God did say, “Gen 15:2,  “the word of God came to Abraham , “I am your shield ,” but– I believe God still wants us too actively apply his words into our lives. We must get into the habit of Speaking the word of God over ourselves rather than our own toxic thoughts.  Death and life are in the power of your tongue,  start grooming your spirit by “putting on the whole armor of God.” See Ephesians 6:13.

You can use this acronym “b-r-a-s-s” to help you remember. The b-is to believe, r-read, a-apply, s-study, s-share. By applying God’s principles such as: believing in his word, reading His word daily to remember them, applying God’s word to your life, studying God’s word for understanding, and then sharing God’s word, are easy ways to start grooming your spirit.

This should inspire, or at most, help to get you in the mood for grooming your spirit. You don’t have to do all five things at once. You may want to start with one or two of them. I would pick the ones I am comfortable with doing first, and it’s up to you to add the other ones at your discretion.

You have to develop your own style for grooming your spirit. These are just some suggestions. Every one of us is different; it’s your job to discover what routine works best for you.  Some people like writing in journals, singing gospel songs, praying, or using their prayer language, to groom their spirit.

Whatever you decide to do, do something to groom your spirit before starting your day.  I’ll read a favorite scripture from a bible that speaks specifically to my heart that feels liberating to me. I’ll Read it until it soothes my soul and becomes a part of my being. Most of the time I can apply my favorite scriptures in my life where I see fit. Sometimes I like to share my favorite scripture at a bible study, or with friends, or family. This reminds me to groom my spirit . Your first step in developing a habit to start grooming your spirit is finding something that works for you. I  believe if you study, study, and study God’s word until you get the understanding and wisdom that you’re seeking, you will be well on the way of grooming your  spirit.

We all are capable of disciplining ourselves to groom our spirits every morning. Establishing a routine when you wake up is the first thing you can do. Talk to God before you get out of bed each morning. We all need to establish a Godly , a rote , do-able, daily something that elevates and grooms the spirit. For me, I write comments on my Praise And Worship facebook page, at least three times a day. I use this to fall back on, if I forget to groom my spirit. How about you, what do you do?

Resuscitating Friendships

A Good friendships actually Improves the Health

Do all great friendships have to come to an end? Like living organisms, relationships have a beginning, a middle lifespan, and an end. ” They tend to grow and improve gradually, as people get to know each other and become closer emotionally, or they gradually deteriorate as people drift apart, move on with their lives and form new relationships with others.”  I believe, God wants us to develop some of those friendships throughout a lifetime. And to be smart enough to accept the fact that he is going to move certain friends out of our lives.

There is a growing trend that the average adult relationships in America has more permanent adult enemies, and fewer adult friends. God doesn’t want us to live like this.  Everyone knows the saying, ” keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” God doesn’t want us to put our friendships on the shelf just because of disagreements, or because of some outcome we expected has gone sour. He wants us to master how we can make our relationship greater.

I know God has placed people in my life for various reasons to teach me valuable lessons, some good and some harsh.  I wouldn’t be to quick to zap a person out of my life just because they mistreated me , or didn’t provide something, that I wanted to happen in my life.  It would be foolish for me to do so. It would be really foolish for me to believe that I can truly have an intimate relationship with God if I went through life constantly isolating myself from friendships gone wrong. It would be a great lost to my development if I prematurely terminated the people in my life that God has sent to me.

Even good friends fallout sometimes, people who are dear to your heart don’t come a dime a dozen.  If we can’t learn to live with them and get along with the people God place in our lives, what good are we to humanity? Isn’t that what relationships and friendships are designed for?  God gave Adam a helpmate so that he would not have to be alone. Relationships and friendships are supposed to bring out the best, and/or sometimes even the worst in us.  True friends accepts you for who you are, and  a good friend will always be there for you in time of need.