A couple a days ago a friend of mind was telling me about a guy she had been dating who kept telling her how he needs her help, but, he’s never available when she needs him. [Red flag; hello, he’s not there for you physically.] Is he in another relationship I asked? She said, ” I don’t know, but, their last few conversations they had was disturbing to her, because he keeps asking me for money.” [ Red flag: A guys who respects you is not going to ask you for money]
She then tells me that she did loan him money one time before, and has never got it back.” I told her you might as well write that off as a gift. I ask her what does he need it for, food and gas she answers, and then he says, he would pay her back, and give her the money back she loaned him too.” I could not believe how foolish this sounded, I wanted to say are you joking me, but I could tell in her voice that she was serious, and that she needed a listening ear at the time.
How did you get involved with a man like this I asks her? She said, “he seemed like a nice working guy that had all his ducks in order.” I ask her what did she mean by this? She said, “when they first met he had just bought a house and he worked as a manager at the same place for over five years.” I asked her why is he asking you for money then? She got quiet. How long have you known him? She said,” almost one year. What is this relationship doing to you? Is it making you happy, or it making you sick? I could hear it in her voice that she was getting annoyed with my questioning.
She tuned me out and start talking about the conversation he and her just had about discontinuing communication at all levels, since they both could not depend on one another. She then went on ranting about most of the times they were both unavailable, but she felt like she was investing more into the “relationship” than him. I asks her why do you feel this way? She said, “I paid for his lunches a couple of times, and he offered me food only one time, and I had to cook it.” We watched movies at his place, until his house got repossess by the bank.” She said, ” after that they lost contact, she didn’t hear from him for several months, one day he texts her, and the same pattern starts over again, but this time he moves out of his apt the same week he calls her.” Okay I’m thinking how much longer can I listen to this nonsense. It gets worse, this time he doesn’t give her his new address, and he’s tells her he’s been over his mom house a lot. [Red flag]
At this point I say to her…I think this guy was doing you a favor by letting the relationship go. It’s quite obvious he’s not in a position to be in any relationship right now. If he’s interested in you, he will pursue you, when he gets himself back on track financially, and he will not be asking you for money, for food, or gas. Did you ever ask him for any money I asks her? She says, “she asked him during their last conversation to help with one bill just to see if he was financially willing to help her , and that’s when he decided to end their relationship. I told her well you need to rejoice and celebrate for him setting you free, and leaving you alone. And thank God! Your are a smart person, and this man has a conscious and a heart. You must have struck a nerve in him and made him feel guilty in this last conversation. You should be a proud of yourself.
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